i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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