Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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