Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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