I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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