I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
