i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
