There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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