there's paper in my vomit.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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