I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
