now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
time to smoke my breakfast
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
