I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
