I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
