I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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