I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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