if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
