It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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