I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
