she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
