I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
