my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
