How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
