Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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