im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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