There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
