why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
