my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
