They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
