Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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