I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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