a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
