um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
