About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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