He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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