so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
