I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
