I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
