The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
