well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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