So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
