I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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