Can Purell be used as lube?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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