I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
