yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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