Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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