I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
