I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
