why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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