Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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