Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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