My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
