So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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