Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
