I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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