I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
