Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
